A woman comes home late in the night and goes quietly in the bedroom. To her surprise, she sees male and female feet peeking out from under the blanket. Shocked and raging, she gets her baseball bat and beats and beats until all movement stops.
After that, she goes into the living room and sees her husband laying on the sofa. He turns to her half-asleep: “Oh, you’re home, darling. I’m afraid we have to sleep here tonight, my parents came for a surprise visit.”
Salaris verhooging grap
Ek het vir my baas gese daar is tans 3 maatskappye wat my soek en ek wil graag n’ verhoging he…My baas besluit toe, met my jare diens en getroue werk gee hy my n’ 15% verhooging!
Maar voor ek uitstap vra hy: “Net so terloops wie is die maatskappye wat my so soek?” Ek se toe: “Edgars, Woolworths en Nedbank se krediet afdeling…
A smart company owner!
One company owner asks another: “Tell me, Bill, how come your employees are always on time in the mornings?” Bill replies: “Easy. 30 employees and 20 parking spaces.”
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, ‘Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
The bouncer is a blonde girl with a ‘Billy-Club’. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
‘Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy… Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?’ The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,
‘No… not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times…’
Teacher: “Anyone who thinks he’s stupid may stand up!”*Nobody stands up* Teacher: “I’m sure there are some stupid students over here!!”
*Little Johnny stands up* Teacher: “Ohh, Johnny you think you’re stupid?” Little Johnny: “No… I just feel bad that you’re standing alone…”
A DUCK JOKE
A duck walks into a bar. And he says to the bartender “Got any grapes?” The bartender says “No, I don’t have any grapes.” The duck walks out, sorely disappointed.
So the next day, he walks back into the bar, asks the same question, gets the same answer. The day after, he walks back into the bar, and again, asks the bartender, “Do you have any grapes?” The bartender, having still not figured out why this duck seems to think he may have some grapes, says to the duck, “No, and if you come back in here tomorrow and ask me if I have any grapes, I will nail your bill to the bar!”
The duck frowns, turns around, and walks out of the bar. So the next day, the duck walks back into the bar, and asks the bartender “Got any nails?”
A thief stuck a pistol in a man’s ribs and said, “Give me your money.” The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said, “You cannot do this, I’m a congressman!”
The thief replied, “In that case, give me MY money!”
What does a hand grenade have in common with a wife? Take off the ring and your house is gone!
What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow? I have no idea but I wouldn’t try milking it.